107.7 The Bone - Seaweed's Blog Archive 2

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WEEDMAN'S BLOG

7-30-09
TAKE THE TEST

You're driving down the road in your car on a wild and stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

You could pick up the old lady, because she's going to die, and thus you should save her first.

Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

Check this out. The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He said: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

That's called "thinking outside the box."

Not surprisingly, this guy's take didn't make the cut: "I would run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because she has no health care, then have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers."

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
-Neil Peart, 1980

7-29-09
BE MY BABY

Apparently famed record producer and convicted murderer Phil Spector is already making friends in prison.

The 69-year-old Spector was assigned to a “sensitive needs facility” in the Corcoran prison here in California and booked as a medium security prisoner without a cellmate.

You might recall that the uber-eccentric Mr. Spector is there at Corcoran because he put a gun in his girlfriend's mouth and pulled the trigger.

Approximately 2 1/2 miles away, another wing of the Corcoran State Prison is the home of musician and infamous Helter Skelter cult leader Charlie Manson. Charles Manson and his "family" were actually sentenced to death in 1971 for the Tate-LaBianca murders but, because California abolished the death penalty, Manson is still there at Corcoran and, the way we hear it, can't wait to get Phil Spector "squealin' like a pig!"

So he sent him a note.

Spector’s wife Rachelle said, “A guard brought Philip a note from Manson, who said he wanted him to come over to his [lockup]. He said he considers Philip the greatest producer who ever lived,” adding, “It was creepy. Philip didn’t respond.”

Two creepy dudes......soon to be best friends forever......LOL!

I'll make you happy, baby
Just wait and see
-Phil Spector, 1963

7-28-09
LANCE-A-LOT

Just in case you missed the awesomenistic fireworks that took place at the Tour de France this year between Lance Armstrong and his teammate Alberto Contador, don't worry - the pyrotechnics will quadruple at the 2010 Tour.

It's been no secret that these two don't like each other, but they've been able to keep things just below all-out warfare. Until now.

Contador, this year's Tour de France winner, dropped a bombshell at a news conference in Madrid yesterday: "My relationship with Lance is zero. He is a great champion and has done a great Tour, but on a personal level I have never had a great admiration for him and I never will."

No wonder Armstrong (3rd place) didn't bother to show up at Contador's victory party. He was hanging out with the sponsors of his new team, Radio Shack.

We thinks the 'Shack will find their advertising dollars well spent as they will soon to be embroilled in a ferocious battle of bicyclists culminating in the 2010 Tour de France - Contador v. Armstrong - and Lance will have "Radio Shack" plastered all over his jersey.

Btw, just got a tweet from Lance Armstrong saying how much he is looking forward to racing in the Leadville 100, a grueling 100 mile mountain bike race in Colorado on August 15th. He took second last year. Look for a win in '09.

7-27-09
QUESTIONS OF GREAT SOCIAL AND POLITICAL IMPORT

--Why does somebody press harder on their remote control when they know the batteries are almost dead?

--How come banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there's not enough money?

--Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars;
but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

--How come Tarzan doesn't have a beard?

--How can Superman stop bullets with his chest, but he ducks when you throw a gun at him?

--Why do Kamikaze pilots feel a need to wear helmets?

7-24-09
EDDIE UNDER THE KNIFE

Eddie Van Halen is recovering nicely after undergoing surgery to treat pain in his left hand.....you know, the important one. Wait. In his business they're both important!

“During the last leg of our tour, I started developing pain in my thumb and my pinky. I didn’t think much of it at the time,” Edward VH says. “It got progressively worse to the point that about three months ago I wasn’t able to play at all. My pinky and my thumb were totally locked up and felt like there was something broken.”

Eddie travelled to Germany, where doctors initially began treating the him for arthritis, but soon discovered a bone spur, twisted tendon and a cyst in the joint of his left thumb.

“They said the only way to fix it was surgery, which of course scared the shit out of me, but I was told it was the only way to fix it,” Van Halen says. “Surgery was a success, now I just have to let it heal. I am totally jazzed that they found the problem, fixed it and in about four months my hand will feel like I am 18 again. Thank God.”

His stitches come out in a few days, and Eddie is confident he’ll be able to play at maximum shred when he completes his recovery. Rehab should be complete in 4-6 months.

That "feel like I am 18 again" thing could be a little tricky, though.

7-23-09
PROVE IT EVERY NIGHT

Bruce Springsteen gets a double dip on the Bone's internet machine today. First, we had him (along with the E-Street Band) doing Prove It All Night on Classic Vinyl.

Now we're getting word that Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, along with U2, Paul Simon, Metallica, Eric Clapton, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Friends and Simon and Garfunkel are among the legendary artists confirmed for a landmark two-night concert event celebrating the 25th anniversary of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

October 29th and 30th are the dates at New York’s Madison Square Garden featuring Hall of Fame acts sharing the stage with various guests and collaborators, mixing their influences and basically retracing the history of rock for all the world to see.

Springsteen, who is now on tour in Europe, will wrap up a very successful season right before Thanksgiving.

7-21-09
BORN AND RAISED IN SOUTH CANADA? WHAT THE EH!!

Steve Perry of Journey has finally come clean about one of the great lines in one of the most famous songs in the history of the universe, Don't Stop Believin'. Remember when he sings, "Just a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit"?

THERE IS NO SOUTH DETROIT!!

Detroit has an East Side and a West Side, but as any Detroiter will tell you, south of their city is the Ontario city of Windsor, CANADA!

"I tried north Detroit, I tried east and west and it didn't sing, but south Detroit sounded so beautiful. I loved the way it sounded, only to find out later it's actually Canada," Steve Perry said.

No worries, eh? Don't Stop Believin' is the top-selling digital download of a track not originally released in this century, according to SoundScan, selling 2.8 million units since 2003.

The arrival of those royalty checks "just goes on and on and on and on."

Canadians are generally indistinguishable from Americans, and the surest way of telling the two apart is to make the observation to a Canadian.
-Richard Staines

7-14-09
NEW MATH IN THE WORKPLACE

So you want the day off. Let's take a look at what you're asking for.

-There are 365 days per year available for work.

-There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have two days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.

-Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

-You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days availabe.

-With a one hour lunch period each day, you have already used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days for work.

-You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work.

-We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

-You generously receive 14 vacation days per year, which leaves only one day available for work, so you can just forget about taking the day off!!!

7-13-09
WEEDMAN GIVES BLOOD AT HIGH SIERRAS MOUNTAIN BIKE RACE

Downieville, Ca (WN) - Legendary San Francisco DJ Steven Seaweed powered his way to a third place finish at the ferocious Downieville Classic mountain bike race on Saturday deep in the heart of the historic Sierra gold country.

The "Weedman," as his listeners often refer to him, immediately blamed his sponsors for his massive and powerful finish. "Brook and Mike at Cytosport Nutrition keep me fueled for these badass races," Seaweed breathlessly remarked, while "Darcy and Dave at Pacific Bicycles San Francisco, keep my rig running flawlessly."

"And how about my trusty steed, this Lenz Leviathan. What's up, Devin? Also, I couldn't have done it without my steadfast coach, Karl Etzel from Silicon Valley Cycling Center who relentlessly cracked the whip on my sorry ass," blabbered the Weedman.

With shameless plugs out of the way and asked if the pain and blood and dirt we're worth it, Mr. Seaweed noted that, "They give you a really nice beer glass at the end of the race.....and then they fill it with beer. Of course it's worth it. And I got a new pair of bike socks as well."

7-8-09
LOVE GOON

According to KissOnline, the internet site for official Gene Simmons regurgitations, Kiss' upcoming studio album is "maybe the best record we've done in 30 years."

Really? Wasn't 30 years ago about the time Peter Criss left the group and things started falling apart? So we're going to get another disco-flavored song like I Was Made For Lovin' You?

Gene, stop it with all the hype! I still can't get over that Kiss bowling Ball you talked me into buying.

Apparently, no. Tongue-man Simmons reports that the album is "just a few steps from being completely done."

In other news, Gene Simmons will serve as the grand marshal of the Honda Indy Toronto auto race scheduled for this Sunday in Rama, Canada.

7-7-09
BACK IN THE SICKBAY

Sheesh! Another Aerosmith injury.

Three years ago it was Steven Tyler's throat surgery and Tom Hamilton's throat cancer. Last year, Steven checked into rehab to recuperate from foot surgery then suffered from pneumonia while Joe Perry had a knee replacement.

Now an "unspecified" injury to Steven Tyler has forced Aerosmith to postpone their last three shows; July 1st in Cincinnati, July 3rd in Hershey, Pennsylvania and their performance Sunday night in Virginia Beach.

Here's guitarist Joe Perry's Twitter post: “Sincere apologies out 2 all Aero Fans regarding the canceled shows. It really bums me out too- you have no idea. Pray 4 Stevens speedy return.” Joe later clarified that the shows were postponed, not canceled.

While the band has yet to issue an official statement, Reuters reports that fans at Aerosmith’s June 29th performance say it appeared as if Tyler pulled a leg muscle during the concert.

As of right now, Aerosmith are still scheduled to perform tonight in Raleigh, North Carolina. The concert will also be the first to feature guitarist Brad Whitford back in the fold after still another Aerosmith injury - Whitford required surgery after bumping his head while stepping out of his Ferrari.

7-6-09
MY HERO

Say, who'd you have over on the Fourth?

Me? The neighbors came over and hung out on the Seaweed patio.

Obama? The Foo Fighters came over and rocked on the White House lawn. Followed by fireworks.

President Obama said the spirit behind his Independence night rock and roll barbeque was to throw a backyard party just like the ones being held across the country.

"In small towns and big cities, folks are firing up grills, laughing with family and friends, and laying out a blanket in preparation for the big show," Obama said. "They’re reliving the simple, unmistakable joys of being an American."

Dave Grohl, lead singer and guitarist for the Foo Fighters, grew up in nearby Alexandria, Virginia, and said he used to "sweat his butt off" watching the fireworks on Washington's mall. He said he never thought he’d be performing on a stage just yards from the Oval Office.

Little known fact - Mr. Seaweed's parents, Frank & Barbara, lived in Alexandria at the time of his birth. After her water broke, it was but a short drive into our Nation's Capitol where mom "sweated her butt off" as well, delivering a young lad who would grow up to one day love Obama, the Foo's, and the Flag.

7-4-09
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

7-2-09
BABY HUEY BENDER?......AGAIN?

7-1-09
BEAUTIFUL DAY IN BARCELONA

An event of monumental proportions took place last night in Barcelona, Spain, site of the '92 Summer Olympics (remember the guy shooting the flaming arrow to light the torch high up in the stadium?).

More than 90,000 fans piled into the biggest stadium in all of Europe, Camp Nou ("new field", Catalan pronunciation: kam now), for the kick off of U2’s long awaited 360° Tour.

If you haven't seen "The Claw," as the band and crew call their massive stage set-up, check out the video at u2.com. The stage, anchored in the middle of the stadium, features a giant 360 degree video screen, flowing silk screens and a light show that would make the mighty Pink Floyd shake their heads.

Bono, taking a breath after opening with four songs from the latest U2 album, No Line On The Horizon, said to the crowd, "This has been our neighbourhood for the last couple of weeks. This is where we wanted to build our space station..."

Last night's setlist:

Breathe
No Line on the Horizon
Get On Your Boots
Magnificent
Beautiful Day
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Angel of Harlem
In A Little While
Unknown Caller
Unforgettable Fire
City of Blinding LIghts
Vertigo
I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Pride (In The Name of Love)
MLK
Walk On
Where The Streets Have No Name
One
-------
Ultraviolet
With Or Without You
Moment of Surrender

6-30-09
YET MORE IMPOSTERS (except Bob!)

6-29-09
TALKIN' 'BOUT LOVE

After three years as boyfriend/girlfriend, Eddie Van Halen married Jane Liszewski on Saturday night at Eddie's estate in Studio City, and was officiated by brother Alex, an ordained minister. Eddie's ex-wife, Valerie Bertinelli, was in attendance, as was their 18-year-old son, Wolfgang, who was the best man.

This is the first marriage for the 39-year-old Liszewski, who walked down the aisle to the Van Halen song When It's Love as performed by a classical string quartet. Not surprisingly, the Van Halen vocalist for the song at the time of it's release, Sammy Hagar, was not in attendance to actually sing it to the happy couple.

I know, shocking.

The bride, sporting a 3-carat diamond, was given away by her mother and also by Kano, a 15 year-old Pomeranian who walked her down the aisle.

6-26-09
THIS IS THE WAY I WANT TOP REMEMBER MICHAEL JACKSON

6-25-09
KINK KONVERGENCE

If you've never heard of British Invasion rockers the Kinks, think track 3, side 1 of the first Van Halen album - You Really Got Me - that Is Ray Davies and the Kinks!

As self-professed Kinks fan Pete Townshend of The Who once said, "I always think that Ray Davies should one day be Poet Laureate. He invented a new kind of poetry and a new kind of language for pop writing that influenced me from the very, very, very beginning."

Now we're getting word that the Kinks will be the subject of an upcoming feature-length film called Kinkdom Come.

Hopefully, they'll have some documentary footage of the famous onstage fistfights between Kink brothers Ray and Dave Davies. Dave suffered a stroke in 2004, so any sort of real Kinks reunion is unlikely, much less fisticuffs.

Ray Davies said his brother has improved enough that he’s able to drive a car again. “I’ll work with Dave, and whatever he can play we’ll create something around it together. We’ll function just fine like that,” Ray said, adding that “I gotta tell you — I miss the Kinks."

6-24-09
RENEGADE VISIT TO 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVE

According to StyxWorld.com, "STYX visited the White House on Monday and they got the royal treatment!" The band was in town for a concert, and spent their day off taking a private tour of the president’s mansion.

Styx drummer Todd Sucherman said "We ended up observing a press briefing in the press room. We somehow ended up on the podium at the end of the briefing and were surrounded by press asking US questions and snapping photos. It was quite surreal!"

When asked whether Styx had plans to meet President Obama while they were at the White House, keyboardist Lawrence Gowan joked, “If I have time.” Gowan added that he voted for Obama in the last election, but since he is Canadian, his vote was rescinded.

The band revealed they’d heard rumors that their music was on Obama’s iPod, but they could not “substantiate that claim,” Sucherman said.

6-23-09
DIGITAL THRONE FOR TODAY'S MULTI-TASKER

6-18-09
TATT'S GOTTA BE SOME MISTAKE

Brussels, Belgium (AHN) - An 18-year-old Belgian housewife said Tuesday she will sue a local tattoo parlor, where she got 56 star tattoos on her face instead of the three as she had originally asked for.

Kimberley Vlaeminck slept while being tattooed so as not to feel the pain. She woke up to see 56 stars all over the left side of her face at the parlor in the western town of Courtrai.

The tattoo artist, Rouslan Toumaniantz, said Vlaeminck asked for 56 stars on her face and was not asleep during the tattooing session. He said the complaint was prompted by her family's opposition to the tattoos.

6-17-09
PURCHASING VS LEASING

PURCHASING

The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows:

After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million. Assuming they had sex every night during their 5 year relationship, it ended up costing him $26,849 per encounter.

Here is the lovely Heather.

LEASING

On the other hand, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's classy hooker, Kristen, an absolute stunner, charged him $4,000 an hour.

Here is the lovely Kristen.

In lieu of marriage, had Paul McCartney employed Kristen for 5 years, he would have paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years - a $41.7 million savings.

We'll do the math for you - a 22 year old hot babe @ 1/7th the cost + no legal fees = the lease of a lifetime.

Sometimes leasing really does make more sense.

6-16-09
ANIMAL HUSBANDRY

A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. 'Not yet,' said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows,he kicks a cow, and when he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks.

'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk.'

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I?'

6-15-09
TOO MUCH HEAD BANGIN' FOR BRAD WHITFORD?

Just getting word that the injury to Aerosmith guitarist Brad Whitford which is keeping him off the band's tour for a while occurred when he banged his head while getting out of his Ferrari about a week before the tour began last Wednesday in St. Louis.

Whitford, 57, is recovering from surgery for internal bleeding after the head banging incident. Fellow Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry said "It built up pressure and gave him this whoopin' headache."

Brad is expected to join the Aerosmith tour around July 7th.

In other Aerosmith news, while the group has been performing their Toys in the Attic album in it's entirety in concert, Perry also reports that in about two weeks they plan to start playing their entire Rocks album during their concerts.

Hopefully, Rocks will rock Bone Bash X on August 19th.

6-12-09
YOU MISERABLE LITTLE GOTH BITCH

With news that Nine Inch Nails wraps up their American tour at the legendary Bonaroo festival in Tennessee tomorrow, we're getting word that our favorite 'Nail, Trent Reznor, has stopped freakin' Tweeting!!!

Matter of fact, he's not happy with social networking in general, not just Twitter; "We’re in a world where the mainstream social networks want any and all people to boost user numbers for the big sell-off and are not concerned with the quality of experience."

So who exactly is Trent Reznor pissed off about? Members of the online community Metal Sludge. "Metal Sludge is the home of the absolutely worst people I’ve ever come across," sez Trent

Because we believe in a fair and balanced approach to journalism, let us point out that the Metal Sludge dudes in turn called Rez a "miserable little goth bitch."

My whole existence is flawed
-Trent Reznor, 1994

6-11-09
98th PERCENTILE ROCKS!

The Washington Post's annual Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the 2008 winners:

1. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency for stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

18. Frisbeetarianism: The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door while wearing only a nightgown.

6. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

7. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

8. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

9. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline..

10. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

11. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

12. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

13. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

6-9-09
OUT OF THE SADDLE

According to Aerosmith's website, aeroforceone, their "guitarist Brad Whitford will be sitting out part of the band?s upcoming Guitar Hero: Aerosmith Presents Aerosmith tour dates with special guests ZZ Top as he recuperates from recent surgery. Bobby Schneck (who has played with Green Day, Weezer and Slash) will be filling in for the guitarist. Aerosmith regrets any inconvenience to their fans and thank everyone for their support."

The tour kicks off Wednesday in St. Louis and arrives here in the Bay Area on August 19th for Bone Bash X, hopefully with Brad Whitford back on stage.

6-8-09
POUR SOME TOFU ON ME

Def Leppard’s summer tour with Poison and Cheap Trick gets underway in a couple of weeks, arriving in the Bay Area 37 shows later for a big Bone show at Shoreline on September 2nd. You can bet that Def Leppard's dressing room will be rocking a vegan menu.

Yes, vegan - no animal products of any kind allowed. It's for their guitarist, Phil Collen, who was once a big boozer and burger eater. Now a vegan, Collen says "I’ve felt weird about eating meat since I was a kid,” and proudly reports that he’s the “picture of health at 51. I hardly eat any kind of food."

Btw, Phil Collen has formed a power-rock trio, Man Raze, with Paul Cook from the Sex Pistols, "Man Raze is very different to Def Leppard. We're into that west London Jamaican dub sound. It was nice for me to find a couple of other people the same age who grew up listening to the same stuff."

Eat to the beat.

5-28-09
ARM STRENGTHENING EXERCISES

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 25-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 50-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack and repeat.

5-26-09
THAT LITTLE OLD AMERICAN TEAM KICKED ASS

For the first time in history, Germany failed to take home the majority of the trophies awarded at the World Beard and Moustache Championships over the weekend as the United States enjoyed the home field advantage in Anchorage, Alaska, and established itself as the new leading power in international bearding.

Hometown favorite and Beard Team USA member David Traver was crowned overall champ, having styled his beard to resemble an Alaska snow shoe earning him top honors in the freestle full beard category, while Germany's Karl-Heinz Hille's elaborate moustache earned him second and San Francisco's Jack Passion placed third.

That's 23-year-old Jack Passion in the picture, who is younger than most of the beards in his category (full beard natural).

Jack lists himself as an artist, a musician, and a beardsman.

Congrats, dude!

5-22-09
ON MARRIAGE

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the paper: "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked, "Is it true Dad , that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

5-21-09
YOU WIN, YOU WIN. YOU LOSE, YOU STILL WIN

Remember that famous line said by Joe Pesci to Robert DeNiro in Raging Bull? Joey LaMotta reminded his brother Jake the boxer that, "You win, you win. You lose, you still win."

That's why Adam Lambert was the real winner in last night's American Idol finale. Even though the declared winner, Kris Allen, made one of the biggest comebacks in TV history, Adam Lambert is your de facto winner.

Ironic that everybody's grandmother and dog seemed to agree that Adam was destined to win American Idol - and that includes your mom, your 17-year-old sister, most of the people you follow on Twitter, as well as the all the digital marketers and even Simon Cowell himself!

Sorry. In this competition anything is better than first - just ask Chris Daughtry.

You'll see.